Our lives are made up of a series of habits that we create over time. Do you believe you intentionally adopt behavior that places you in harms way? Some harm may come in the form of decreasing health. Other harm comes in self-defeating personality traits. I am referring to the persistent habits that develop harmful behavior. For example, we fail to get healthy, get into shape, and be good to others and ourselves.

Society allows us to overeat and become obese. We are enabled to be rude, insulting, take drugs, and do other things our parents wouldn’t be proud of. Think for a moment about how you grew up. Did school lunchrooms promote eating everything on your plate so you could receive more? Do spouses sometimes make everything okay for the alcoholic in the family, the drug addict, or the domestic abuser? And if they do make everything functional for the dysfunctional then why in the world would people change behavior? Why would a tattletale employee or a bad leader change behavior if we continue to reward him with increased pay, new jobs, or promotions? We are all guilty at one time or another of promoting, supporting, or enabling bad behavior.

Is your personal pain of changing worth the gain? This is the most important question. No one will tell you losing a few pounds is a bad idea. No one will tell you that you shouldn’t do unto others, as they would like for you to do unto them. But there is a Tipping Point that we reach that weighs heavily enough to endure a little pain for the greater gain of changing harmful behavior. You will have to make a clear choice internally before any behavior changes externally.

What is it that causes an alcoholic, drug abuser, or domestic abuser to change? They may change when they discover the real hurt they are causing themselves and others. But change will only occur if they recognize, make a choice, and then are determined to persistently practice new healthier behaviors.

Changing most unwanted behavior requires approximately 21 consecutive days of implementation, but for the addicted it can be a lifetime vigil. No matter what the behavior, a habit can be changed when the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of change.

Studies have indicated that behavior and learning go hand and hand. For behavior to change learning must occur. Consider the following examples.

A puppy uses the bathroom in the house. You immediately place his nose within the close smelling range of the deed. You spank the puppy’s bottom and put him outside. You do this each time it happens without fail. You know your message has been received the first time he begins to let you know he wants to go outside to do his business in the yard. The puppy soon learns not to repeat the behavior. When he returns to the house you reinforce the new behavior with warm praise, petting and maybe a doggie treat.

Think for a moment about a more immediate result from a stimulus. Think about when you touched a hot object and snatched your hand away. The learning was immediate. It didn’t require a learning curve. You just did not do that again.

Friends, coworkers, and acquaintances should not accept bad behavior. Don’t provide excuses and try and justify bad behavior that is toxic and harmful to everyone. If we are blinded and cannot see it, others, especially those who care about us, must point it out and help us change. We must require a change if the offender is to remain in our employment, or in our relationship. We must not enable others to continue behaving badly.

We all have bad habits and I am certainly no exception to that rule. In elementary school I was taught to overeat. The school system believed they were promoting healthy behavior by telling students to eat everything on your plate and you may have more and/or a favorite desert. Children, and adults for that matter, should learn to eat only when they are hungry. Today I still struggle with leaving things on my plate. I have broken the habit, but I still feel guilt over leaving food on my plate. As an informed adult we have a choice to stop behavior. Most who deal with a weight problem realize that it’s not a diet they need but a lifestyle change. Like many of you who are reading this, I have lost hundreds of pounds, one at a time with one miracle diet after another. The cold hard facts are that we must exercise more and eat less. This formula guarantees success every time. This will take time, so be patient.

Any behavior that puts you or someone else at risk of injury or illness is bad behavior. Have you ever rolled through a stop sign? You may have done this consciously the first time. Is it okay as long as no car is coming? Perhaps it eventually became a standard practice. At first a conscious choice was made to overlook the rule, but be very concerned when the sign is ignored altogether and the subconscious takes over, creating a habit of rolling through without stopping and looking both ways. You’ll find yourself going without looking unintentionally because you trained your body this way.

I remember when my family moved out of our house and into a new neighborhood. I drove to the old house after work two days afterward! Obviously this habit cost only time, but other habits can cost a great deal more.

Begin now to make a conscious choice to carefully make the right choice day by day, celebrating each success when breaking bad habits and soon you will be healthier, happier, and on your way to controlling your destiny. There are no quick fixes. You must have a plan to change the behavior that is destroying you slowly but most definitely. As soon as you decide the pain is worth the gain, get started!

Addictive behavior can make the task of changing more difficult. Relapses are likely to occur. The relapses are not failures unless and until you accept them as failures.

Determining the behavior to change is only a small part. You will have to plan and may be even seek outside help. But you can do this. Many people have overcome far greater circumstances with far fewer resources than are available today. And when you are successful you will manifest the strength, courage and the knowledge to help others. Start today by breaking bad habits before they break you.